Its been 2 months since my last blog post which was written days before entering my first Vipassana course in Indonesia. I do intend to share a blog about my experience there but I’m not ready to share it just yet. After Vipassana I went to India for the Sattva Summit at my yoga school in Rishikesh before returning to Melbourne where I’ve spent the last month teaching weekly yoga and sound healing journeys with a handpan player I met at Burning Seed. I’ve been living in my own apartment in St. Kilda beach and honestly just spending a lot of alone time meditating, practicing, and integrating the insights gained from the month in Asia.
The time has come. I’m finally departing from Melbourne after spending 3 months in total living here. When I first began this journey to Oz I felt a lot of uncertainty as to why I felt such a strong urge to take this extended trip abroad. As I prepare to leave this city, its all feeling much clearer now. Its simple, really. It was at Sattva Yoga Academy’s sacred land, during my first trip there in April that I received the transmission. I was laying on the grass, humming a chant. Suddenly, I shot up to sitting. My eyes closed, rolled up to third eye. It came to me quite clearly as I meditated that sunny afternoon. I tuned in, I listened to spirit, and I followed my bliss.
Meditation locates the inner value of bliss through silence. Spirit speaks to us, we need only take the time to be silent and listen. Lately messages and insights have been flooding my dreamscape. I think the increased lucidity in my dreams have come from the combination of sobriety and daily meditation. I’m following the whispers that lead me to my next destination, and I have some pretty exciting adventures on the horizon. Before I set sail, I reflect on my 3 months in Melbourne and find nothing has gone as I thought it would. However, its all divine and been perfect for my growth. Here are a few of my favorite lessons I’ve learned:
‘BITCH sit down, be HUMBLE’ – Kendrick Lamar ‘Humble’ off the album ‘DAMN.’
Truth be told, I really thought I was going to be welcomed with open arms in Melbs. In Australia, theres a term called ‘Tall Poppy’ and it refers to a tendency in Australian society to try and cut down people who are considered to be too successful or prominent (cutting the tall poppies down to size). Theres a generalization that says Australians don’t like others to do too well, or (to use another popular Australian term) to ‘big-note’ themselves. Am I a tall poppy for coming here guns a blazin’ ready to spread my Shakti? Maybe. But you know what, even though it was a lot tougher than I had thought it would be, I’m so glad I did it. One of the best things my teacher at Sattva told me was ‘teach to share, not to be liked’. My ego feels deflated and thats a good thing. From this deflated ego state I find myself in deep devotion to the teachings and humility to be teaching them.
SOLITUDE is the SOUL’S holiday.
Before I came here I had spent 5 years living alone, and I’d been on a few solo trips. I did not realize until moving abroad and staying in a few shared housing situations that I actually prefer to be alone. It wasn’t even that the share houses were with assholes, its just that I prefer having my own space. Like, more than a room, I want the whole entire space to myself, so that I have complete permission to expand into every corner of it with all of my energy. More than living with people, I also realize I am a bit of a loner in general. Thats a bit surprising as I’m also an extrovert. Maybe I’m an introverted extrovert and am just realizing this. I would say a lot of my alone time in my twenties and certainly in my childhood/teens has been spent feeling lonely. I think when we’re young theres a lot more FOMO. We don’t say ‘no’ enough. We think we need to go to every party, every social engagement we’re invited to or we’re going to miss out on the ‘fun’ or the opportunity to connect with people. What I’m learning is now that I’m older at the ripe old age of 31, I would much rather be alone than go to a social activity that I’m not 100% sure I want to go to. Or as they say in Oz sometimes I just ‘can’t be fucked’ going out, talking to people, or leaving my sanctuary. Its really liberating to realize theres a lot of joy, peace, and power in being alone, honoring my needs, and choosing carefully with whom, where, and when I want to share my energy with others.
NATURE is my HOME
One of the messages my Guru Anand shared at a wisdom talk during the Sattva Summit was ‘We don’t go into nature. We ARE nature. You are nature and you are an expression of nature.’ I named this website ‘Home is Within’ because I knew I would feel out of my comfort zone leaving my home country, community, and sense of ‘home’ back in Denver. By doing so, I knew I’d come into closer relationship with myself and experience that home is within me at all times, despite where I am in space and time. Now, I’ve come into a greater awareness that home isn’t within or without. There only…is. The isness of isness. “The nature of everything is emptiness” – Buddha. I believe all of this but I must confess, I am so ready to leave the city and spend the remainder of my time in Oz exploring the glorious land and its many sacred Aboriginal sights.
I got a taste of the beauty that lies beyond the cities on a road trip with my friend Tom down the infamous Great Ocean Road, which is where the photos in this blog were taken (Thanks to Tom, my personal Australian tour guide and great friend, whom I met at a monastery in Nepal). I am so grateful to be alive, awake, and following my bliss, wherever it takes me.